Trip Report: Mount Rainier, DC Route ...back to home

So after about 20 email messages and 15 phone calls; Jill, Jules, Holly and I decided that Rainier was on, like Donkey Kong. I could tell from the moment that Jules ripped into my driveway sending a rooster tail of gravel and dust into the air that this was going to be much more than just your average climbing trip.



Once we had Jules car packed to the maximum capacity, allowing just enough room for the four of us to sit comfortably we were off and running. We had to make a quick stop at REI in Seattle to purchase some last minute supplies, use the restroom and make quick conversation with the good looking staff, ooh la la… After negotiating the constrained parking garage of REI, Holly’s amazingly fast reflexes were put to the test early,,, her text thumb saved the day as she foiled “man with happy stick” from abruptly car jacking us. “Good job Holly” we exclaimed with high fives and even a few Hell Yahs from Jill Youde. The rest of the drive was like any other drive to a potential climb, lots of bull shitting and plenty of swerving from the laughter of our trusty driver Jules.



We arrived at the park entrance around noonish, paid our 15 dollar entrance fee and drove to paradise under looming cloud cover that hid the massive mountain from our view. The rangers were giving all of us but Jules the hairy eyeball, the minute we stepped through the door. Jules was voted trip leader for this climb, so she and the very good looking Ranger Brian spent most of the time talking, flirting and even possibly holding hands while she filled out our paper work. Holly and Jill managed to use their good looks and charm as well, they purchased their climbing passes for 25 dollars each from a shady scalper by the name of ‘Sam’. We named our climbing team "Girls on Top" which seemed quite fitting after even the first fifteen minutes of this adventure. I was deemed their official 'girls on top' photographer and crowd control, which later proved handy...



Our walk to Camp Muir was both beautiful and neat, and after about 30 minutes we finally saw the massive mountain they call Rainier. The snow conditions were great and we met lots of friendly climbers, all male of course, who seemed to enjoy looking at these fine ladies more then their task at hand of climbing a mountain. My un-official job this trip was matchmaker, I was able to coax one climbing ranger into range with a coca-cola and some Pringles but the ring on his finger ended the situation abruptly,,, sorry Jules and Holly.



Camp Muir was total Mey-Ley. It was like a commercial for Mountain Hardware and resembled a miniature Everest Base Camp. A few of the highlights at Camp Muir where; The Spaniard, a very, very attractive mountain guide that never really left the minds of the girls on top. A guy named Jon, that Jill and I talked with for about an hour while boiling water. The bathrooms. The Spaniard, oh shit, I already said that didn’t I. The two dudes that walked into camp muir at about nine o'clock, wearing cotton sweatshirts who planned on climbing the mountain in one solid push. And last but not least,,, the Spaniard oh, so attractive.



We decided to leave for the top via the Disappointment Cleaver at 3am. I seem to be the only one that slept that night, I am sure that the girl’s minds were still stuck on the Spaniard into the wee hours of the night…. Jules was in the lead with Jill second, then Holly and me at the rear,, they said that the man had to be last this time, I humbly agreed. Jules set an amazing pace, we managed to climb the route in about 5 hours, and passed lots of groups along the way. The day was absolutely perfect, the only drag was that the Spaniard never made it to the top; he had to take 2 clients down early suffering from ‘we climb hills not mountains’. The conditions on Rainier were as follows: Very sunny, kinda windy, pretty darn high about 14000 feet and change, and lots of fun… Our descent went kinda slow due to the many groups in the way, the route is very meandering right now as the crevasses up top have opened so much that we actually climbed onto the Emmons Glacier and back to our chosen route. Well enough about climbing, so back to the good stuff.



Upon our return to camp we all took a nap, except Holly who boiled water for our tired and dehydrated group!! Jill and I awoke to snowballs being thrown at our tent by Holly,,, while yelling “get the hell up, I want Sushi”. "At least this lady knows what she wants", but what happened to the Spaniard I thought to myself? We were packed and on our way down in under a half hour. I tried buying my way down on the back of some guy’s skis but he just gave me a weird look and took off, never looking back. Holly was the only smart person who chose to glissade, while Jules, Jill and I ran like hell to keep up with her. Half the way down the mountain, ‘girls on top’ struck again and they were flirting with two more guys, ay ya yi, I said to myself. Somehow we were never able to shake these two and I found them sitting back at the car sharing cold beers we had so intelligently left in a cooler with snow at the car. They turned out to be really cool, they showed us a great way to open beers with a carabiner and were happy to take pics of our dirty and tired group.

I packed the car while the ladies went shopping, (some things never change). After 'the girls who were on top' finally returned we jumped into the car and peeled out ready to re-enter civilization. Somehow we managed to get lost in the park and added an extra 30 minutes onto our already long drive. Holly, Jill and I tried taking pics of some really cute foxes but Jules fucked that all up, saying foxes are everywhere. Jill and I earned a 5.11d sap rating from Jules and Holly. Apparently our cuddling and Eskimo and butterfly kisses in the backseat seemed to bother them,, go figure. Holly kept talking 'smack' the entire trip. All in all this was one great climbing trip. Not all of the fun was had on the mountain, but then again, climbing is just another excuse to be bad somewhere other than a bar….

Gear needed for Rainier:

1:A good sense of humor

2:An amazing lake cabin with a mom that makes the best waffles in the universe, thank you Mr. and Mrs. Youde for your hospitality.

3:A great driver like Jules, who also makes some the the best and certainly largest pancakes in the universe,, thanks again.

4:A hot chick named Holly

5:lots of candy

6:A “tent partner”

7:A camera for taking pics of cute cuddly animals and a Spaniard

8:Some climbing equipment

9:And last but not least. Some eye candy, much like the Spaniard, well actually just the Spaniard will do, isn’t that right girls….:-)